I bet you never knew that I was doing this for you.
Just to impress you.
Clearly the way I was wasnt enough
so now I am changing
this steady change is tough
but its what I need
I would do it for me
but whats the point in that
to be better for no reason
it makes no sense
its selfish how it is now though
I am changing because I want something
because I want someone.
I am changing for a reward
Even though I know I wont get it
There is still room to hope.
Should I keep it up
or give it up?
That is my question
I need to answer it myself of course
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Hallows Weekend
Starting from Friday I guess.
I decided that I didn't want to go to work Friday on Saturday the previous week. So, I started looking for people to cover for me starting with Monday. I could find nobody that wanted to cover for me, but luckily on Tuesday I started to get sick so I could come up with a good excuse to get out of work and go to a Halloween party that a very good friend of mine was having. So, by Friday I still hadn't found anyone that was able to take my shift. I was looking for someone to cover for me and needed to check the schedule so I could either trade shifts with someone, or find a person not working, but my computer froze for about three minutes and was showing no signs of unfreezing, so I pseudo-soft-palmed it and accidentally scratched the hard drive, and now when I start it it says "NTDETECT failed"... So I called in with an excuse that got me out of most of my shift; a doctor's appointment. I called the manager and he said just to come in as soon as my appointment was over. So I figured I could come back around 10pm. Because my "appointment" started at 7pm, and work started at 5pm. Both ended at 12am, so I thought it would be fine to get to work and only work for two hours. However, my manager kept me there till 2:15am. So, I didn't get home till about 2:40am.
On to Saturday.
I slept till 12pm, woke up, went to Chase Bank, cashed my paycheck, and then came home and played video games while deciding on if I wanted to have plans last night. I ended up making plans with Rachelle Shute, and her boyfriend Jon Hoffman. When we all finally got together, we ended up going ice skating. We took Eric, Rachelle's younger brother, with us as well. I have never done that before so I was rather apprehensive about it, but she talked me into it and we went anyways. There was construction on the roads, so it took us a while to actually get to the ice skating place, but when we did we had fun. I didn't fall, probably because of my immense fear of falling, but I did have a few close calls. After ice skating we went back to Rachelle's house and watched Reign of Fire. A very lovely movie about dragons and such. After that, I was taken home, and then went to sleep, after texting a friend from Anime Banzai, Anona, playing guitar, and looking at scars in the black light.
And now for Sunday. The day of Hallows. I do indeed hope that today turns out well, as I do hold high expectations for it.
I decided that I didn't want to go to work Friday on Saturday the previous week. So, I started looking for people to cover for me starting with Monday. I could find nobody that wanted to cover for me, but luckily on Tuesday I started to get sick so I could come up with a good excuse to get out of work and go to a Halloween party that a very good friend of mine was having. So, by Friday I still hadn't found anyone that was able to take my shift. I was looking for someone to cover for me and needed to check the schedule so I could either trade shifts with someone, or find a person not working, but my computer froze for about three minutes and was showing no signs of unfreezing, so I pseudo-soft-palmed it and accidentally scratched the hard drive, and now when I start it it says "NTDETECT failed"... So I called in with an excuse that got me out of most of my shift; a doctor's appointment. I called the manager and he said just to come in as soon as my appointment was over. So I figured I could come back around 10pm. Because my "appointment" started at 7pm, and work started at 5pm. Both ended at 12am, so I thought it would be fine to get to work and only work for two hours. However, my manager kept me there till 2:15am. So, I didn't get home till about 2:40am.
On to Saturday.
I slept till 12pm, woke up, went to Chase Bank, cashed my paycheck, and then came home and played video games while deciding on if I wanted to have plans last night. I ended up making plans with Rachelle Shute, and her boyfriend Jon Hoffman. When we all finally got together, we ended up going ice skating. We took Eric, Rachelle's younger brother, with us as well. I have never done that before so I was rather apprehensive about it, but she talked me into it and we went anyways. There was construction on the roads, so it took us a while to actually get to the ice skating place, but when we did we had fun. I didn't fall, probably because of my immense fear of falling, but I did have a few close calls. After ice skating we went back to Rachelle's house and watched Reign of Fire. A very lovely movie about dragons and such. After that, I was taken home, and then went to sleep, after texting a friend from Anime Banzai, Anona, playing guitar, and looking at scars in the black light.
And now for Sunday. The day of Hallows. I do indeed hope that today turns out well, as I do hold high expectations for it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
drills, designs, and dragons
So, the days in the last couple weeks have been somewhat... long, short, exhausting, exhilarating, challenging, and boring, but all have been blessings.
I have made two hat designs which will hold my broken headphones. The Headband part broke some time back, and I used to resort to just holding them there while listening to music or watching movies on my lappy, but after a while my arms got most tired and I came to the conclusion that I would have to do something else so I used a belt at first, then I shoved them in a nightcap, and now, I am making a hat that will work and look good...
Also, I have decided that I will be a dragon-born at some point next Halloween, and I am designing wings that will work, as in open and close. I will start making them as soon as I get the needed information, ie: measurements, sizes, materials needed, and pricing. I have most of what I need now, but I would like to find a lighter weight fabric for the wings, and a few other things like claws for the hands and feet.
Today was most boring till I went to the dentist... I had only planned to go in for a check up and cleaning, but instead I got a pretty bad cavity taken care of. It was borderline root canal. And, now that my face isn't numb, but instead in a little bit of pain, I can eat food without worrying about biting half of my tongue or cheek off, which is very good... I am quite hungry.
So yes, that is how its been the past few days since I have posted.
I am curious about a couple things, Josh/Cora, if you read this will you let me know how to get pictures posted into this thing? I would love to show my designs, but I have no idea how to.. Thanks. :D
I have made two hat designs which will hold my broken headphones. The Headband part broke some time back, and I used to resort to just holding them there while listening to music or watching movies on my lappy, but after a while my arms got most tired and I came to the conclusion that I would have to do something else so I used a belt at first, then I shoved them in a nightcap, and now, I am making a hat that will work and look good...
Also, I have decided that I will be a dragon-born at some point next Halloween, and I am designing wings that will work, as in open and close. I will start making them as soon as I get the needed information, ie: measurements, sizes, materials needed, and pricing. I have most of what I need now, but I would like to find a lighter weight fabric for the wings, and a few other things like claws for the hands and feet.
Today was most boring till I went to the dentist... I had only planned to go in for a check up and cleaning, but instead I got a pretty bad cavity taken care of. It was borderline root canal. And, now that my face isn't numb, but instead in a little bit of pain, I can eat food without worrying about biting half of my tongue or cheek off, which is very good... I am quite hungry.
So yes, that is how its been the past few days since I have posted.
I am curious about a couple things, Josh/Cora, if you read this will you let me know how to get pictures posted into this thing? I would love to show my designs, but I have no idea how to.. Thanks. :D
Sunday, October 10, 2010
In Times Where One Seems to... Lack Foresight
I am talking about myself in the title there...
I went to Anime Banzai this past weekend. I had no ride, and I went with absolutely no arrangements for places to stay at night.At the very last minute I saw my cousin post a picture of a tattoo she drew on her arm with a sharpie for Banzai, so I contacted her and asked if she had room in her car to drive me up there, luckily, she did, and I was able to go. Being as ridiculous as I am, I didn't mention to anyone that I had nowhere to stay till about 2am when I was playing a game called Ninja Destruction (Google it if you don't know what it is). I ended up playing that until 3am and when people started dispersing, I was asked how long I could keep playing. I informed the questioner that I could stay indefinitely because I had nowhere to go, quite literally, nowhere, so at 3:40, he invited me to go up and spend the night in the hotel room he and four other friends had rented. I was amazed at this person's kindness and hospitality, he helped me when I was in need and all I got was a name, which I intend to look up on FB.
The second night of the con:
On Saturday, I made friends with a small group I had met the previous night and hung out with them. At about 4:30pm my cousin decided that her and her entourage were going to head back home. I asked my newly made friends if they had room in their car's trunk so I could stay for the three days I paid for. Again, by luck, they had an open seat in their car that I was able to secure for a safe trip home, and managed to get my stuff transferred from one car to the other rather quickly. Later on in the day, at around 7, I was asked about my lodging, and replied that I planned on staying at a 24hr restaurant and ordering tea and hot chocolate all night till I could head back to the Con and sleep on a comfy chair there. After hearing this, offered to try and help, and a seat at IHOP for one of the group's birthday dinner. I accepted, and secured at minimum a place to stay and eat for at least eight hours. After the dinner I was invited into a home that was relatively close. I had a place to stay for the night, and a ride home all because of the kindness of people I had a common interest in.
I know that I am watched over. I know that when you show kindness to others, others will reciprocate that kindness in turn, whether to you, or someone else, eventually all that kindness comes back and helps you. I love the people I met, and I am greatly hoping to see them next year at Anime Banzai 2011. And by then I hope that I have more friends that are going, so they can see the amazing kindness that is exhibited by those that I know and meet.
Believe me, you don't want to miss anything as special as miracles, you just have to be able to see and understand them; and this weekend was full of them.
I went to Anime Banzai this past weekend. I had no ride, and I went with absolutely no arrangements for places to stay at night.At the very last minute I saw my cousin post a picture of a tattoo she drew on her arm with a sharpie for Banzai, so I contacted her and asked if she had room in her car to drive me up there, luckily, she did, and I was able to go. Being as ridiculous as I am, I didn't mention to anyone that I had nowhere to stay till about 2am when I was playing a game called Ninja Destruction (Google it if you don't know what it is). I ended up playing that until 3am and when people started dispersing, I was asked how long I could keep playing. I informed the questioner that I could stay indefinitely because I had nowhere to go, quite literally, nowhere, so at 3:40, he invited me to go up and spend the night in the hotel room he and four other friends had rented. I was amazed at this person's kindness and hospitality, he helped me when I was in need and all I got was a name, which I intend to look up on FB.
The second night of the con:
On Saturday, I made friends with a small group I had met the previous night and hung out with them. At about 4:30pm my cousin decided that her and her entourage were going to head back home. I asked my newly made friends if they had room in their car's trunk so I could stay for the three days I paid for. Again, by luck, they had an open seat in their car that I was able to secure for a safe trip home, and managed to get my stuff transferred from one car to the other rather quickly. Later on in the day, at around 7, I was asked about my lodging, and replied that I planned on staying at a 24hr restaurant and ordering tea and hot chocolate all night till I could head back to the Con and sleep on a comfy chair there. After hearing this, offered to try and help, and a seat at IHOP for one of the group's birthday dinner. I accepted, and secured at minimum a place to stay and eat for at least eight hours. After the dinner I was invited into a home that was relatively close. I had a place to stay for the night, and a ride home all because of the kindness of people I had a common interest in.
I know that I am watched over. I know that when you show kindness to others, others will reciprocate that kindness in turn, whether to you, or someone else, eventually all that kindness comes back and helps you. I love the people I met, and I am greatly hoping to see them next year at Anime Banzai 2011. And by then I hope that I have more friends that are going, so they can see the amazing kindness that is exhibited by those that I know and meet.
Believe me, you don't want to miss anything as special as miracles, you just have to be able to see and understand them; and this weekend was full of them.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My hearts aspiration.
For those that know me, I seem a little distant at times right?
I would like to disclose some information.
I am not perfect.
I am not the best person.
I am not a good example.
I am not a role model.
I am not alone.
I am not without hope.
I am not reckless, anymore.
In close to 6 months:
I will be able to take the sacrament for the first time in almost 5 years.
I will pass sacrament for the first time in over 5 years.
I will be going to the temple for the first time in over 7 years.
I will bear my testimony for the first time in over 12 years.
I will finally be who I need to be.
"Get square with the Lord."
I need to find a place that can teach me how to rebuild small engines.
I need to, period.
I am who I am because of who you are. Without the influence of the people around me, I would be someone else entirely, possibly for the worse.
So here is to you life, and here is to me living each day a little better.
I would like to disclose some information.
I am not perfect.
I am not the best person.
I am not a good example.
I am not a role model.
I am not alone.
I am not without hope.
I am not reckless, anymore.
In close to 6 months:
I will be able to take the sacrament for the first time in almost 5 years.
I will pass sacrament for the first time in over 5 years.
I will be going to the temple for the first time in over 7 years.
I will bear my testimony for the first time in over 12 years.
I will finally be who I need to be.
"Get square with the Lord."
I need to find a place that can teach me how to rebuild small engines.
I need to, period.
I am who I am because of who you are. Without the influence of the people around me, I would be someone else entirely, possibly for the worse.
So here is to you life, and here is to me living each day a little better.
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